My new coat arrived in the mail the other day. It’s light-weight corduroy with a cotton lining – perfect for spring and autumn, or chilly summer nights. I absolutely adore it. It’s perfectly made, and fits me exactly. I could not be more pleased!
I wrote about the coat a few months back, in A thing that actually represents another thing.
I got the coat from an Etsy store. I LOVE Etsy! It has everything!
I think I like this list better than my own….
In fact, it’s a useful addition to my slightly more specific goals since it incorporates my goals of:
I’ll have to think about how we can make the others more tangible…
I was driving through town the other evening and it was teeming with tourists. A couple stopped me as I was leaving the gym to ask me about where they could find something to eat. It took me a while to think about where I might send them. I don’t know why anyone would want to come to Christchurch.
As a tourist myself, I usually stay in the inner city where all the interesting stuff is. I can just imagine catching a bus from the airport into the city (staying at the Ibis maybe?) and being bowled over by the complete lack of city. What do tourists think when they come here? Do they know how bad it is? That there really isn’t any city at all? Or maybe they are attracted by the pop-ups and weird abandoned feel.
I can only assume that some people are there because they are curious and others because they don’t know.
I’ve been trying to write this for a couple of weeks. It seems like each year it’s getting harder to think of my goals for the coming year beyond the mundane things that I intend to do – which aren’t really goals. I have plans, but are they the same as goals? Plans seem more concrete than goals. Argh! Anyway, let’s give this a shot. At the very least, it’s nice to be able to look back at the end of the year to see how my plans relate to what I actually did…
If 2014 was all about saying yes and no more carefully in order to get some balance, I want 2015 to be the same, but more so. Once again there will be no big projects or grand schemes. Instead there will be a little bit of everything – travel, sport, family, work. All the things that make me happy. Specifically, my goals are:
Take some little trips around New Zealand
Read 10 books
Because my work involves a lot of paperwork and reading things I’m not particularly interested in, this isn’t the leisure activity it used to be for me. I used to read dozens of books each year, and then when I started university, reading for leisure stopped. I’ve never really got back into it – I read news and magazines but have trouble committing to whole books. Added to this is Audible – why read when I can have someone read to me?! But Amazon-Audible recently added this nifty thing called WhisperSync where you can purchase the e-book and audio version of a book and it marks your place from one to the other so you can listen in the car on the way home, then pick up again with your eyes once you’re deposited on the couch.
I’ve got two books ready to go already. I might tackle the Game of Thrones series. That will keep me busy.
Go to at least one country I’ve never visited before
So Stephen and I have booked a trip to Europe from 3rd to 25th September. I’m not adding that to my list of goals – it’s a sure thing at this point. We are planning on starting in England (this time visiting the south west) and Wales (again, the south west), and then France and who knows where else, and then flying home from Frankfurt.
So instead I make it my goal to visit either Ireland, Switzerland or Luxembourg – all places I’ve not been before.
Spend more time at home
I probably need to quantify this in some way otherwise I won’t really know if I achieved it. In 2014, I was often out most nights of the week – derby on Mon, Thurs, Sun, hockey on Tues, meeting on Wed, socialising Fri and Sat. As much as I love it, it gets to be hard work. Some weeks between work and gym and sport and friends I felt like home was just somewhere to sleep and change my clothes.
I need to make a commitment to be home at least three nights a week. I think that’s manageable. That means hockey once a week, derby once a week, dancing once a week (more on this next), which leaves one more night to do something social. If this means skipping something that I want to do some weeks, I will have to do that.
The good thing about this list is that there is much less derby and more things that I share with Stephen, I’ve missed him in the past year with all the derbying!
Less derby, more other things
So I’m not going to be doing derby three nights a week any more. What do I fill this time with? Couch-sitting? Of course not … except those three nights I’ve committed to!
This year I want to play woman’s league ice hockey in winter. I signed up last year but then derby got in the way when the training night was changed. I was very disappointed with this, and I’m really excited about signing up this year.
I made a hard decision to give up dancing when I started derby. It wasn’t just about the derby – the studio had moved after the quakes, the class got smaller (sometimes it would just be Stephen and I) and we just weren’t enjoying it the same. I was also struggling with some pretty painful OOS in my arms that made it a bit torturous at times. Then when we went on the cruise last year one of the things we did was ballroom/latin dancing each night. We realised how much we had forgotten, and how much we enjoyed it! So this year we want to get back into dancing lessons – at a new studio. I’m really looking forward to it.
I made a big decision in December to quit playing derby. I gave it a good two and a half years, and it’s been an epic roller-coaster ride. When I started, it was to keep Megan company. I’d been rollerblading a few times, was enjoying ice skating and was keen to learn to roller skate. I signed up for freshmeat never intending to actually play roller derby. I love to skate and I’m glad I learned, but I never enjoyed the full contact aspect of derby. I don’t like hitting or being hit. Though, in honesty, it’s actually been really good to learn that getting smacked to the floor repeatedly really isn’t so bad – it doesn’t hurt as much as it looks like. I don’t mind the bruises and actually I am quite proud of some of them. They feel earned. Which probably sounds nutty to some.
I worry a lot about getting injured. I’ve seen more injuries in the two years I’ve played derby than in my seven seasons of ice hockey. It scares me a little. And derby has been hard on my body. People argue with me when I say I’m too old for derby. I’m not saying that I’m chronologically too old – at 42 there are people my age and older still playing. But my body is old and beat up. I haven’t taken care of it and it’s pretty wrecked. I have to be careful what I do with my poor body if I want it to carry me around for another 40 years. Last year I spent a lot of time in pain – legs, hips, back, feet, elbow (my poor elbow!). Just ask my massage therapist and osteopath. They are both very polite about the sport I play – they’d never tell me to stop, but they both support my decision that’s for sure.
Then there’s the intensity of it. Two hours, three times a week. In my busy life, that’s a huge time commitment. It doesn’t leave room for much else, and I’ve slowly given away other things I enjoy to make room for training. I’ve quit running, dancing, Sunday dates, gym classes, winter ice hockey, all for derby. In my league, part time is not an option. You’re either in, or you’re out. There is no middle ground, no “social derby”. One of the things I love about hockey is that I can do as much or as little as I want, and no one really cares. If I wanted to, I could skate every other day, go to all the trainings and camps, skate outside, practice my shots. Or I could just be mediocre and have fun playing once a week in the B Grade. I love that. It’s not an option in derby. Like I say, it’s intense. And not for me. Right now I feel like the love of derby got beaten out of me in the past year.
The problem is, I really love to skate! I wish wish wish we had a roller rink that I could socially skate with my family. In lieu of that, I’d love to be a roller derby referee. One of the things I loved about doing freshmeat was learning the rules. They are plentiful and complex and interesting. As a ref, I’d get to skate, and I’d have to really know the rules, and no one is allowed to hit me, and it’s free. Sounds perfect! It means I’d get to keep participating in a sport I really enjoy, and it’s something I can continue to share with Megan and Bronwen.
So maybe it’s not so much quitting as it is shifting from player to zebra. I’m pretty excited about that. I’m going to give it three months. Once the season starts in February I am taking a three-month hiatus to see how much I miss it. If I don’t, I know I’ve made the right decision. And if I do miss it, I can jump back in!
I started my blog five years ago today. I signed up with the intention of creating on online journal/diary for myself. I don’t care who reads it, I just wanted somewhere to collect my thoughts and deeds so I can look back at life and remember. At the time I’d been through a period of intense upheaval and I had no idea what direction life my would be going next. Obviously no one actually really knows what the future will bring, but I really had no clue – job, home, relationships were all up in the air.
I’m glad I started the blog – I love reading back. It isn’t very personal though, which is not what I intended. There is a lot of “I did this and that”, and “I think this and that” but not what I’m really thinking and feeling about things. I guess I’m reluctant to make it too personal – I don’t want to offend anyone and I want to keep some privacy. Which is funny since I’m really not a private person at all … “oversharer” I think is the word.
About the same time I started the blog, I also started using Facebook more, and I think it’s taken over the role I intended for the blog. It’s easy just to fire things up on FB – it’s a great summary of the life and times of Bebe Frayle. But there is so much noise on FB too. It’s not really adequate as a capturer of me and my life. So I’m going to recommit to this and see how it goes.
To help me refocus on my original goal I’m going to do two things:
Let’s see how it goes…
This year in a single word…busy. And if I had two words…roller derby. It’s been an amazing ride – I’ve done heaps, learned heaps, and even relaxed heaps this year. Here is my year in review.
January: We saw the new year in at Kaikoura, a lovely oasis. We got barriers for the roller rink and I went skating outdoors a LOT. We watched the better part of 20 seasons of Time Team. Wyatt started school and Bronwen started high school.
February: We did the Colour Run in the pouring rain (but still lots of fun!). We all went for a skatepark roadie to Timaru. I found out that I was going to be a Great-Aunt again (welcome aboard Poppy). I crashed my car, and finally got a towbar so we could go mountain biking.
March: Hockey season finished, the Rangers came third. Derby derby derby derby, intense. We had a lovely get away in Hanmer, celebrating three years of wedded bliss. At home, it rained. And rained and rained and rained…our place became Strathfield Island. Kim and Shelley got married! On a boat!
April: We cruised in the Pacific for two weeks, there was dancing and quizzes and a lot of Downton Abbey. We said goodbye to the roller rink as it was packed away for the winter – it will become something else next summer. And derbyderbyderbyderby.
May: Derby and more derby. I was given the Volunteer of the Year award from my hockey league. We went to Armageddon in Wellington, it was an EPIC good time. The Dallington bridge was closed ‘temporarily’ for repairs – aka demolish and rebuild.
June: Guess what? MORE derby! Our teams travelled to Northland and Dunedin, and smashed it. Bronwen became a derby referee. I spent a lot of time in Wellington for work.
July: It went a bit like this – Fly to Wellington, come home, go to training, go to the gym, eat, sleep, repeat. Young Arlia started playing ice hockey – and loved it!
August: We had out annual family holiday in Tekapo, it was goregous…my heaven on earth. We skated through the Lyttleton Tunnel! And of course, derby – lots of it. The Red Devils won the NZIHL Grand Final, yeah!
September: I saw lots of Wellington, home saw less of me. I had my first ever dental work – a root canal. We skated on the pier. There was plenty of derby – the Pirates came to visit and we went on a roadie to watch derby AND hockey! Hockey season started up again, the Rangers are looking mighty this year.
October: Lots of Wellington. Armageddon Auckland was brilliant, epic, amazing – I saw McGyver for goodness sake! I got my iPhone 6, and how I do love it. The derby starts to feel like it will never end!
November: Nick and Rach got hitched! We have a fab family holiday in Kaikoura. Dunedin Derby come to visit. The Aaarangers have a fantastic time on the Arrrmazing Race Arrrwards Night (pirate themed) and I won the Hard Yards award. We booked our tickets for Europe for next year.
December: ALL the derby – the Roller Derby World Cup! There was a lot of derby watched! I work until I think my eyes might fall out, looking forward to a summer of nothing much happening.
This year I had a go at focussing my attention on a few important things rather than spreading myself too thin and doing too much. My goal was to say yes and no to things more carefully, so that life didn’t get to intense. To some extent, it was a success – work was more manageable and I said no to a few personal projects for my sanity’s sake. But let’s face it, I’m just not the kind of person that can be happy and content sitting at home in the evenings watching TV. There is so much fun to be had, so much to learn and do!
You know how sometimes when you are mad or sad about something that isn’t that big of a deal, it’s actually about some other deep-seated unresolved issue? Like how I irrationally dislike someone and then realise it’s because they sound like / look like / act like my mother. Well, I just had this realisation about a jacket.
It was a really nice summer jacket. I got it from Farmers, it wasn’t expensive or cheap – just right. And I got it just before I left New Zealand on my big overseas adventure / voyage of discovery. So the jacket is imbued with meaning (though I never really thought about it like that until now). It was my freedom jacket. And it was a good jacket – it fitted me really well, it was super comfy, and suitable for many occasions.
So what happened to this amazing jacket, you ask yourself? I left it in the building in High Street on February 22nd, 2011. I had the presence of mind to grab my phone on the way out of the building, but nothing else. My poor little jacket was hanging on the back of my chair. I’ve been missing it every since. There have been other jackets, but none have been just right (too rustly, too short, long, tight, loose, wrong colour etc. etc.). I think right back in the recesses of my mind, the loss of my jacket is connected to everything else I lost that day.
So spring rolled around again this year and I started to really pine for my lost jacket. I went looking for one just like it – and I can’t find it. I even looked for a pattern with the idea that I could get a new one made. I’ve kind of found one similar on Etsy, and I’ve been debating with myself about getting it for a couple of months. Which is what led me to the realisation that the jacket has meaning beyond a piece of clothing.
Buying a new jacket is moving on, closure. It’s a good thing, but it’s also saying goodbye. Deep.
Another year of roller derby finished last night with our DED Arrrwards night (pirate themed). It’s been an amazing year. I have learned so much more about how to play the game, and have really enjoyed collecting new skills. Running line ups with the All Stars has been stressful but so interesting – it’s like sitting an exam (takes all my brain!) but without the quiet room to sit in.
It’s also been a very challenging year in terms of developing my skating skills. I can skate passably well, but have struggled to get to the skill level required to be on a competitive travel team. I’m not fast and I’m not agile – I’m working hard on these but progress has been slow and I find that so frustrating! I know what my feet should be doing, but I just can’t make them move fast enough, in the right direction, at the right time.
Its funny, but I have played ice hockey for 5 years now, and it has never bothered me that I am not really that good. I go out there every week and have a great time – win or lose. I just enjoy being part of the team and slowly building my skills. But with derby, it’s so much more intense. I feel like I let my team down every time I don’t quite nail a skill (or opposition skater!).
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether I want to continue as a skater. I love to skate, and I love the league, but it’s a big commitment (3 x 2 hour training sessions a week) and my slow progress is disheartening. So this summer, like last, my goal is to skate as often as I can, and to push myself to try new things that will help with my agility and speed.
And polish my trophy …
Back in the day when Twitter was new and Facebook barely existed, people would tell me that my internet friends were not real. If I hadn’t met them in person, then how could we be proper friends? I have friends from all over the world, some of whom I’ve met and some I probably never will.
But that’s not the main point of this blog. What I wanted to say is that two of my very dearest Twitter friends got married on the weekend – to each other. A bunch of us met on Twitter after the earthquakes, and what started out as chatting on the internet quickly turned into meet-ups in ‘real’ life with an awesome bunch of weird and wonderful people. These are people that I would probably not encounter in my everyday life, so I thank Twitter for the opportunity to get to know them. And last Saturday, we got together to celebrate Rachel and Nick’s nuptials. It was a fab day.
The Secret Life of Bebe 