I went to a meeting on a building site in the city today. It was across the road from a building site, and beside a building site, with a few more building sites behind it. Afterwards a jumped in my car and drove down Colombo Street, flanked by building sites.

It feels like it’s taken forever, but it’s finally happening. Building is everywhere.

I remember a few weeks after the quake driving down Barbadoes St when they finally opened it. It was nighttime and the city was completely dark – no power means no city lights. Each intersection I drove through I could see the black, and eventually I had to pull over because I was crying so hard I couldn’t see properly.

I missed the city so much and I still do. But then driving through the middle of it today and listening to the sound of construction made me so happy.

They are giant steel-framed things, built zillions of percent above code, green and all that. The bus exchange looks spectacular. It’s been a tough four years, but days like today make me feel excited for our future.

I went for a delightful walk along the Wellington waterfront this evening after Day 2 of a fairly heavy and difficult review workshop. The sun was shining and there were tonnes of people out and about. It was so good for my soul!

But it reminds me how much I miss my city. I am quite used to not having a city anymore, but on days like today, it makes me feel sad. Remember wandering through the Square? Stopping for coffee? Wandering down the river bank? The Arts Centre on a Saturday morning? The Dux on a sunny afternoon?

C’mon rebuild, go faster!

I stopped for gelato on my way back to my hotel 🙂

My new coat arrived in the mail the other day. It’s light-weight corduroy with a cotton lining – perfect for spring and autumn, or chilly summer nights. I absolutely adore it. It’s perfectly made, and fits me exactly. I could not be more pleased!

I wrote about the coat a few months back, in A thing that actually represents another thing.

I got the coat from an Etsy store. I LOVE Etsy! It has everything!

I started my blog five years ago today. I signed up with the intention of creating on online journal/diary for myself. I don’t care who reads it, I just wanted somewhere to collect my thoughts and deeds so I can look back at life and remember. At the time I’d been through a period of intense upheaval and I had no idea what direction life my would be going next. Obviously no one actually really knows what the future will bring, but I really had no clue – job, home, relationships were all up in the air.

I’m glad I started the blog – I love reading back. It isn’t very personal though, which is not what I intended. There is a lot of “I did this and that”, and “I think this and that” but not what I’m really thinking and feeling about things. I guess I’m reluctant to make it too personal – I don’t want to offend anyone and I want to keep some privacy. Which is funny since I’m really not a private person at all … “oversharer” I think is the word.

About the same time I started the blog, I also started using Facebook more, and I think it’s taken over the role I intended for the blog. It’s easy just to fire things up on FB – it’s a great summary of the life and times of Bebe Frayle. But there is so much noise on FB too. It’s not really adequate as a capturer of me and my life. So I’m going to recommit to this and see how it goes.

To help me refocus on my original goal I’m going to do two things:

1. Turn off the comment function on the blog – if it’s just for me, why do I need people’s comments? I think they actually encourage me to censor myself because they remind me people are watching
2. Disconnect the blog from Facebook and Twitter – I don’t really want to broadcast that I’m blogging

Let’s see how it goes…

I rediscovered yoga a year ago, and I love it.

Years ago, when I first started getting fit, I gave yoga a try. I thought it would be a pleasant and relaxing change from the cardio workouts. It wasn’t. It was bloody hard work and I was too large and too unfit to enjoy it.

So I guess I developed a ‘can’t do that, too hard’ attitude towards it. A year ago, I hurt my back and finally made the decision that I should stop running. Instead, I started doing Body Balance at Les Mills.

Strictly speaking, Body Balance isn’t yoga. It starts with Tai Chi, then does four tracks (about 15 mins) of yoga, including Ashtanga Vinyasa style yoga focused on strength, stretching and balance. Then we do abs and back work, more stretching, and 5-10 mins of relaxation. It’s so good. I’d even go so far as saying it has been transformative for me.

You’re probably assuming I mean that it’s made me calmer, more centred, yadda yadda. Maybe, but that’s not what I mean. People often say to me, ‘oh yoga, that sounds so relaxing!’. It really, really isn’t.

Doing yoga has made me stronger, and it has vastly improved my balance and fitness. Which seems weird to me, because from the outside yoga looks like a bunch of people standing around in funny poses. But it’s incredibly intense. I sweat as much doing 55 minutes of yoga as I do skating or playing hockey. It helps that yoga is done in a very warm room (makes us extra stretchy).

I revel in my new discovery. If I could, I would do yoga every day, but I’m not sure my legs would let me! It’s a goal I’m working towards. As it is, I do 4-5 sessions a week as often as I can. When I can’t get to the class, I have an app on my iPad that takes me through the moves at home.

So there you go, I’m turning into a yoga junkie.

PS if you have never tried yoga and doubt my assessment of its difficulty, try this: stand in the poses in the picture below. Now hold each position for a full minute without moving, but slowly sinking lower into your legs until they burn. Repeat on each side. For 10 minutes.

Voila, yoga!

How can I explain my apathy towards Christmas in a way that all you yuletide-loving nutjobs will understand it?

Imagine you lived in a world where most other people were crazy in love with some pastime that just didn’t rock your boat. Gran Turismo 6 or lawn bowls or horse racing or underwater polo. Something you understand in principle but have no personal passion for. Now imagine that these people insist that you must love that thing. There must be something wrong with you if you don’t. They even call you names for not being passionate about the same thing as them.

This is how I feel about the insistence that I should love Christmas.  I can’t manufacture feelings I don’t have – Christmas is just not part of who I am. Over time I have moved from a discomfort and dislike of the holiday to a general apathy about it.

Why discomfort? To say I come from a dysfunctional home would be an understatement. And Christmas is ‘all about family’ (although it seems to me, is actually all about spending money on random stuff you don’t need). Christmas made me feel like a freak as a kid. It was just one more thing that made me different – my weird family. And I don’t recall ever getting Christmas gifts from either of my parents. Maybe it happened, I just don’t remember it. Understand, I am not traumatised by this – it is just another part of my history that makes me who I am.

When my kids were younger, I had a tree and did the present thing. I didn’t want them to miss out on that magical event everyone raved about. I wasn’t especially enthusiastic, and we did less as they got older.

Now that I am married and part of a Christmas-celebrating family, I accept I need to do the Christmas Day family thing. I’m happy to spend time with these people any time they invite me around, so I participate enthusiastically in the eating of ham etc. In my mind, I’m just hanging out with my family – it has nothing to do with Jesus or Santa or whatever.

In the last few years there seems to be increased pressure from people around me to ‘stop being a grinch’, and ‘get into the spirit’. I truly and honestly don’t understand why. You don’t miss out because I’m not enthusiastic about Christmas. I’m not asking you to keep your Christmas cheer away from me. Celebrate away. I just prefer not to get so involved personally. I don’t feel any need to decorate my house and buy you gifts. Think of me as Jewish if it helps.

A note: I get a similar reaction to not celebrating my birthday, although most people are less vocal about that. It would seem it is far more offensive to not celebrate Jesus’ birthday than my own. I find you people very weird for this.