Ode to books

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I drove passed the Central Library yesterday. It brought tears to my eyes – it was in a state of semi-demolishment.

I spent many, many happy hours amongst the books in that library. Sitting on the comfy chairs on the second floor, feet up on the heating vents. Gossiping with my friends when we were supposed to be ‘studying’. Hours and hours in the New Zealand Room looking at microfiche and microfilm. And the card indexes! Even when they introduced computers, I liked flicking through those.

History, travel, social sciences were my favourite sections. I was quite fond of magazines too – I could never afford to buy Macworld, so I would read them months out of date.

I signed both my children up for library cards there, and we’d visit in the weekend – sometimes stopping for a treat at the French Bakery across the road.

I eventually outgrew Central when I went to Canterbury University – now that’s a library!

But the Central Library holds a special place in my heart. I’m really going to miss it.

 

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It’s the little things…

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Jeez, it’s been ages. Two months. I think about blogging all the time, in fact just yesterday. I think of something to say, or about something that just happened, and then I post it on Facebook and Twitter and move on. Social media is easy and blogging takes time and effort. Sad but true.

Anyway, I did something momentous (for me) today – my first lone roadie. I drove from Palmerston North to Wellington. In a rental car. In the dark. And the rain. It took just over two hours. It might not seem like a big deal if you drive all the time, but it is huge for me. The idea of that much speed for that much time scares me. There were bridges! There was one bridge with a curve, and up hill, and a BUS coming the other way. That one made me sweat a bit. And I drove all the way through Wellington city and out the other side to drop off the car.

When I got my driver licence in 2011 (on my 39th birthday), it gave me this amazing sense of freedom. It made so many things possible that were just difficult to do before … imagine going to hockey on the bus, argh. A couple of weeks ago I thought about driving to Timaru. I’d need to bring Stephen along, I thought to myself. I can’t drive myself, I thought. There are bridges. And it’s a long way! So now I know I can. That’s really cool.

Back in MY day…

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There have been a profusion of cute little notes and things on Facebook recently about how different kids’ lives were back in “our day”. It recalls a bygone era when kids rode their bikes to their friends houses, climbed trees, stayed out til dark. Kids were smacked when they were naughty, didn’t answer back or swear, they knew their place.

It sounds like a lovely place and time, but it doesn’t ring true for me. The 1970s, as I remember it, involved adults being able to beat children without fear of consequence, children being abused behind closed doors and nobody talked about it, women being bullied by their husbands and having nowhere to go for help. Children had no rights – they couldn’t answer back, or speak out. Women were not the equals of men in the workplace or at home.

I am glad I don’t live in that world anymore. And I am VERY happy that my children have had a different life than the one I had.

Yes the world has changed. The world has been changing as long as humans have existed. This time is not like the time you grew up in, and children have different experiences than the ones you had. It doesn’t make yours better or more valid than theirs.

But some things never change. If I want my children to be socially responsible, thoughtful, well mannered, it’s still my job teach them how. The amount of TV they watch, the music they listen to, the games they play have less influence on them than people think. I am still the biggest shaper of my children’s lives – I still have the most influence over what they think and how they see the world. They watch everything I say and do, and they will copy me. If I want my children to spend less time in the cyberworld, then it’s up to me to turn the computer off and go play with them. Or maybe join them in cyberworld and enjoy the marvels of the wide world out there with them.

Don’t worry, one day they’ll be lamenting about ‘kids these days’ and recalling that golden age of smartphones and iPads and goodness knows what else!

This one from Facebook, I love:

First written by Judge Phillip B. Gilliam in the US in 1959, it was recently reproduced by a Northland high school principal.

It’s just as true now as it was then. And for parents as much as for the kids.

Open letter to Teen-ager

Always we hear the plaintive cry of the teen-ager. What can we do?…Were can we go?

The answer is GO HOME!

Hang the storm windows, paint the woodwork. Rake the leaves, mow the lawn, shovel the walk. Wash the car, learn to cook, scrub some floors. Repair the sink, build a boat, get a job.

Help the minister, priest, or rabbi, the Red Cross, the Salvation Army. Visit the sick, assist the poor, study your lessons. And then when you are through – and not too tired – read a book.

Your parents do not owe you entertainment. Your city or village does not owe you recreational facilities.

The world does not owe you a living…You owe the world something.

You owe it your time and your energy and your talents so that no one will be at war or in poverty or sick or lonely again.

Grow up; quit being a crybaby. Get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone, and start acting like a man or a lady.

You’re supposed to be mature enough to accept some of the responsibility your parents have carried for years.

They have nursed, protected, helped, appealed, begged, excused, tolerated and denied themselves needed comforts so that you could have every benefit. This they have done gladly, for you are their dearest treasure.

But now, you have no right to expect them to bow to every whim and fancy just because selfish ego instead of common sense dominates your personality, thinking and request.

In Heaven’s name, grow up and go home!

– South Bend Tribune, Sunday, Dec. 6, 1959.

 

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Mother’s Day

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I’ve always made a bit of a big deal of Mother’s Day. Not as a kid, but once I became a mother. I know that people complain about it being overly commercial and all that, but I love it. I can take time out to think about how far I’ve come as a mother, and (hopefully!) get a bit of appreciation for all my hard work.

When I think of Mother’s Day, I think of it in relation to me as a mother, but never really think of my own mother at all. Which may seem callous if you don’t know me. I really feel like I don’t have a mother. I don’t remember her for the first few years of my life, and she left when I was 10. Since then she has popped back in and out of my life, sometimes quite painfully. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t really my mother. I have someone who gave birth to me, but she isn’t my ‘mum’. I know what it really means to be a mother, because I have being doing it hard-out for 25 years!

So Mother’s Day for me isn’t about cards and gifts (although I do love those), it’s about taking time to be with my children and appreciating the relationship I have with them.

Me and my beautiful children
Me and my beautiful children

Cruisin’

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Bucket list item, ticked off.

We went on a cruise March 31st – April 11. It was … interesting.

The wedding was lovely, and such a good idea – it was low-key and just right for Kim and Shelley. I love the idea of being able to avoid all the palaver of the wedding organisation. Though, organising everyone onto the ship must have been a mission!

It took me a few days to unwind once we set sail – work had been really busy and stressful. It felt weird to go from 100% busy to 0%. Nothing to do, no schedule, no appointments. So of course, once I got over the shock of that, I began structuring things around me – breakfast, gym, yoga, Downtown Abbey. Lunch, lounging, trivia, ballroom dancing, Downtown Abbey. Dinner, Downtown Abbey. We watched a lot of Downtown Abbey – all four seasons in fact.

I coped with the seasickness much better than I expected, thanks to Scopoderm patches. I put one on as soon as I felt queasy and then hardly thought about it again. The side effects were a bit interesting, but blurry vision and a rash were much better than the alternative.

After three very looooong days at sea, we arrived in Vanuatu and stopped for two nights at Santo and Champagne Bay. It was great to get off the ship, but I was surprised to find that it made me feel sick. Once back on board (or in the water) I felt fine. Weird!

Next stop was Port Vila – not really a swimming island, so we had a quick look around, went for a boat-taxi ride and then spent the day in the pool on board.

Next was Mystery Island (stunning!) for swimming, and then the last shore day was Isle of Pines (also gorgeous!).

I was happy to see land again after the last three sea days. I was ready for something different! I missed skating! We had a nice relaxing last day in Sydney before flying home for a long weekend.

All in all, it was an interesting experience. I’m not sure I’d want to do another cruise but I enjoyed the enforced relaxation part (I need that). I did start to feel a little cooped-up with nowhere to go – I think if I did another I would prefer to cruise to somewhere and then get off the ship for a few days. And since I’m not really that into beaches and such, preferably the somewhere would involve cities. It was fun hanging out with my family, and to meet Shelley’s family. The food was awesome. The weather was amazing. And of course I am always happy sharing adventures with my best friend.

Enjoying some sun and sand at the Isle of Pines
Enjoying some sun and sand at the Isle of Pines

 

Five years ago today

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Five years ago today I met Stephen for the first time. It was a blind date. It had been a big day for me – I’d just sat and passed my restricted driver license and it was my first trip out alone with my car.

We met at Metro cinema, to see Man on Wire. I spied him before he saw me, and was instantly impressed – he was wearing a Serenity t-shirt. It’s one of my favourite movies! Less impressive were the sneans, but I chose to overlook that.

I wonder what his first impression of me was!?

We went into the theatre, had a brief awkward moment over the ticket payment (I paid for my own) and settled in. The movie was not especially memorable, but the company was. Before the movie started we talked about work and technology and gadgets and all manner of other things. We held hands in the movie and it was lovely.

Afterwards we went looking for somewhere to have coffee. The only place open in town was McDonalds. We grabbed a takeaway and sat in Cathedral Square beside the Chalice and chatted some more. An English couple came along and started talking to us about their trip, and asked us lots of questions about ourselves. They didn’t realise we were on our first date and we didn’t like to say. It was awkward and funny.

Stephen walked me back to my car (I had to be home by 10pm with my license curfew!), we had that strange half-hug-cheek-kiss thing and said goodbye.

I had no idea that night how much my life would change as a result of that night. All I knew is that he was cute and funny and sweet and I wanted to see him again. Which obviously I did. Our second date was Ironside Thai and a walk around the park. Our third date was Tulsi, a drive in the Port Hills, the beach. We’ve been inseparable ever since. It was love at third sight.

Stephen, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love your patience

I love your solidity, you are always there for me

I love that I can depend on you utterly and completely

I love that you laugh at me when I’m being stupid (it’s really annoying at the time!)

I love that when I ask you to, you take me seriously and listen hard

I love your humour – Dad jokes!

I love your energy and commitment to the things we do together

I love that you say, “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right”

I love that you have grown my world and we are fulfilling our wildest dreams together

I love that my children are your children, and your child is my child

I love that you are a committed and involved Dad, even when it’s awkward

I love how you’ve embraced being Poppa to Wyatt and Arlia

I love that you don’t let me boss you around

I love that you are smart

I love that you are always expanding your knowledge of things you are interested in

I love that you know how to slow down, and are teaching me how

I love that I get to spend all my days with you

I love you.

Stephen and Bebe
Our very first couple-selfie

Ashtanga Vinyasa

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I rediscovered yoga a year ago, and I love it.

Years ago, when I first started getting fit, I gave yoga a try. I thought it would be a pleasant and relaxing change from the cardio workouts. It wasn’t. It was bloody hard work and I was too large and too unfit to enjoy it.

So I guess I developed a ‘can’t do that, too hard’ attitude towards it. A year ago, I hurt my back and finally made the decision that I should stop running. Instead, I started doing Body Balance at Les Mills.

Strictly speaking, Body Balance isn’t yoga. It starts with Tai Chi, then does four tracks (about 15 mins) of yoga, including Ashtanga Vinyasa style yoga focused on strength, stretching and balance. Then we do abs and back work, more stretching, and 5-10 mins of relaxation. It’s so good. I’d even go so far as saying it has been transformative for me.

You’re probably assuming I mean that it’s made me calmer, more centred, yadda yadda. Maybe, but that’s not what I mean. People often say to me, ‘oh yoga, that sounds so relaxing!’. It really, really isn’t.

Doing yoga has made me stronger, and it has vastly improved my balance and fitness. Which seems weird to me, because from the outside yoga looks like a bunch of people standing around in funny poses. But it’s incredibly intense. I sweat as much doing 55 minutes of yoga as I do skating or playing hockey. It helps that yoga is done in a very warm room (makes us extra stretchy).

I revel in my new discovery. If I could, I would do yoga every day, but I’m not sure my legs would let me! It’s a goal I’m working towards. As it is, I do 4-5 sessions a week as often as I can. When I can’t get to the class, I have an app on my iPad that takes me through the moves at home.

So there you go, I’m turning into a yoga junkie.

PS if you have never tried yoga and doubt my assessment of its difficulty, try this: stand in the poses in the picture below. Now hold each position for a full minute without moving, but slowly sinking lower into your legs until they burn. Repeat on each side. For 10 minutes.

Voila, yoga!

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Hallo 2014

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In 2013 my main goals were to pass roller derby freshmeat and skate with Dead End Derby, and to travel with Stephen. Achievement unlocked.

The themes for 2014 will be skating, hockey and travel.  This year I want to:

– pass my yearly roller derby skills test, including completing 27 laps in 5 minutes

– be good enough to be selected for the Living Dead Rollers roller derby travel team

– improve my ice hockey skills: run with the puck more, work on passing and shooting at goal. A goal would be a lovely bonus

– finish the roller rink and have a launch party

– travel: to the West Coast and Sydney/Vanuatu in March, Tekapo in June/July, Kaikoura in November at the very least

And less specifically, I will schedule my time less so I have more downtime. I will not take on any new big projects this year – I have plenty of project ideas bubbling away, but I won’t move them forward this year.

This means I will need to say ‘no’ more often. I struggle with saying no, and I’ve been contemplating why this is. I feel like I missed out on a lot of things in my younger years. Having children in my teens closed a lot of doors for me. Now my children have grown up, there are all these doors that I can peak through and I don’t want to leave any of them unopened!

So this year, I intend to do lots of interesting things, but my attention will be more targeted on a few things that I really enjoy – skating, hockey and travel. These are things that I can do with my family and friends, they keep me fit, make me happy, and keep my brain engaged.

I’m picking that 2014 will be a good one.

Skating
Skating
Ice hockey
Ice hockey
Travel
Travel
And RELAXATION!
And RELAXATION!

Roller rink update

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We nailed the last piece of ply down on the 15th of November, and since then have been doing ongoing upgrades – we discovered that we needed more dwangs than we originally planned to add strength to the structure and keep the boards from popping up as they get wet and then dry out.

I’ve spent hours pulling up the boards and re-drilling them. Not the most fun job ever, but it makes the rink much flatter and more awesome to skate on and to play hockey on.

The last piece in the puzzle has been to get sides for the rink so we can hold safe skate events, and hockey practices without having to chase after pucks.

And the sides were delivered yesterday, thanks to Dan Lucas at Fulton Hogan. They come in the form of 36 x 2m x 1.2m road barriers. They are just perfect. How I came into possession of these barriers is a pretty neat story…

A couple of weeks ago I was invited, along with dozens of other awesome people, to have afternoon tea with the Mayor and Councillors. It was an informal event so the Mayor and Council could “express their thanks for all your inspirational work in our city”. There was a great selection of truly amazing people there – Gap Filler, Life in Vacant Spaces, Ministry of Awesome, Student Volunteer Army, Hapa, C1 Cafe to name just a few of my favourites!

The Mayor invited us all to say a little something about our projects, and one thing the Council could do to help (that didn’t involve money!). People talked about the importance of good policy, of coordinated efforts, of being joined up and well-networked. These are really important things, but all I really needed was barriers for my roller rink. So that’s what I asked for. I have been trying for months to get hold of road barriers (called water-filled delineators) without success. They would be a super-easy way to make the rink safe for kids to use. When I asked for them, everyone laughed – in the good way (I think) because it seemed too easy. But these barriers mean the world to me, as I explained. Barriers would mean that kids can skate on the rink safely, so we will be able to hold awesome-fun summer events at the rink.

Deputy Mayor Vicki Buck said “that’s a simple one! I’ll get onto it on Monday!”. And she was true to her word. I sent her an email explaining exactly what I needed, and quickly heard back from Will, the General Manager of the Horizontal Infrastructure Management Team at CERA (Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Authority), who put me in touch with Duncan, the Executive General Manager of SCIRT (Stronger Christchurch Infrastructure Rebuild Team). I called Duncan, who contacted Fulton Hogan to see if they had any spare barriers, and before I knew it, BARRIERS! And brand-spanking new ones at that. It took two weeks in total. Amazing.

I am ever so grateful to everyone who helped to get them there.

Barriers!
Barriers!

Now if only the rain would stop…

Year in review: 2013

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As per established tradition (and mostly for my own benefit so I can remember what happened), here is a brief summary of 2013.

January: Megan turns 21! We move back into our freshly EQC-renovated house, there is a lot of family time, and skating.

February: A lovely getaway to Queenstown for Stephen and me, we get our gardens done, a fun trip to Tekapo to watch inline hockey, lots of work, family, skating. The 2nd anniversary of the Feb 2011 earthquakes – not much has changed in a year.

March: Our 2nd wedding anniversary – celebrated in style at Rotherhams. We come 2nd in our ice hockey grand final, I graduate roller derby freshmeat and into the league.

April: We go to Dunedin to celebrate Granddad’s 96th birthday. We put the finishing touches on the house. Roller derby.

May: Megan moves out, and in with Blair. Lots of working, family time, roller derby training.

June: Bronwen gets braces. The Mt Albert Thompsons come for a visit. I go to Blenheim for a derby bootcamp, Bronwen NSOs (officiates) her first derby bout. Derby, derby, derby.

July: New roller skates for me and for Stephen! A fun-filled hockey weekend in Tekapo with my Rangers. My first big roller derby bout (Superheroes v Supervillains).

August: Raro! A blissful week of sun, sand, scooters and family. Wyatt starts playing ice hockey and LOVES it. The league takes a much-needed mid-season break from roller derby.

September: After several months of planning, work begins on the roller rink. I have an enforced break from derby after rolling my ankle, then come back with a vengeance in the bout against Dunedin’s Bonnie Brawlers (beat them 238-108). Hockey kicks off for another year – the Rangers kick ass. Life and work is intense. Little Arlia turns 3.

October: Bronwen turns 13, a teenager at last. We move the roller rink from Tuam St to Peterborough St and building progresses in earnest. TEDx is inspiring. Roller derby nationals are EPIC! Work is scary-intense.

November: Antony turns 25 (OMG!) and gets roller skates of course. Wyatt turns 5. I learn the basics of skate jamming with Danger Danger. We finish the roller rink (AWESOME!!). We have the last bout of the season – Rocky Horroween. Junior derby kicks off, Bronwen is fast and furious. Derby awards night, and I take away the Hard Yards award – super proud.

December: A visit from Gillian, lots of motorway skating, the derby girls play some ice hockey (LOL), Bronwen graduates from Chisnallwood Intermediate and we mentally prepare for high school. I get an iPad mini and a Pebble watch (lucky girl, me!). Christmas comes and goes and the whole family takes a much-needed break from the fast lane.

I’m not gonna lie, in many ways it’s been a tough year. We had some fun and joy in there, but overall it’s been hard work. There have been several projects going on at once that have made life pretty intense at times. I took on the job of league secretary for roller derby, and returned as secretary of the Senior League for ice hockey. Stephen took on the chair of the Senior League and the secretary of Canterbury Ice Hockey Assoc. There was a lot of unpaid administration work going on in our house this year. Building the roller rink was a HUGE undertaking – it occupied most of our spare time for the latter part of the year. Roller derby was very intense – three 2-hour training sessions a week, plus going to the gym, plus ice hockey. It was a bit relentless.  And then once I added in three of the busiest months I think I’ve ever had at work (in Sept, Oct, Nov) and it just about broke me.

What kept me going this year is the intense joy I get from all the things I did. I love skating (can you tell??), I love my job, I love spending time with my family, I am hugely proud of our roller rink, I love ice hockey. I’ve indulged my passions this year, just binging a little too much at times.

2014 will be about finding the balance. It will be about saying yes and no more carefully – so I get to do the things I love, but not so they become work.